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Why does the sun never set on the British Empire?

Because God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark!

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Trust Jokes More Trust Jokes

Why is it so easy to trust a hypochondriac?

Because none of their plans are ill-conceived.

Why wouldn't the pimp water his lawn?

He couldn't trust his hose.

Dark Jokes More Dark Jokes

Why didn't Darth Vader make it as a stand up comic?

Fans thought his sense of humor was a little too on the dark side.

How many nuclear war survivors does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. People who glow in the dark don't need lightbulbs.

Englishman Jokes More Englishman Jokes

Why did the Englishman wear a tie to his vasectomy?

Because he wanted to look mptnt

What do you call an Englishman in the World Cup final?

The referee

God Jokes More God Jokes

What did Mike Tyson say when asked about the time he fought the God of Asgard?

The loser was 'thore'

How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital?

The patients get better and leave. Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God. The staff have the keys!

Set Jokes More Set Jokes

How many stoners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, I just set the bulb down somewhere, now I can't find it. Where the hell did the bulb go?

What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?

Forty feet of track - all straight!

Sun Jokes More Sun Jokes

How did the sun die?

It went to Detroit.

What's Irish and lies around in the sun all day?

Patty O'Furniture.