Why was the whistleblower late for his annual winter whistleblower's convention?

Because he was Snowden!

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Why couldn't the whistleblower pick up his dry-cleaning?

Because he was Snowden! (Snowed in)

Why couldn't the NSA do anything after the blizzard?

Because they were Snowden.

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What do you call a whistleblower stuck in a blizzard?

Snowd-en

What did the whistleblower say after the blizzard in Russia?

I'm Snowden!