Holiday Jokes

Why isn't the holiday on December 25th pronounced "Chlistmas"?

Because there's no L.

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Where do weeaboos holiday?

Kawaii

Where do strippers go on holiday?

Poland

Where do idiots go on holiday?

Twitzerland.

What are your favorite jokes for the Holidays?

For those of us that struggle with our family perhaps this will help break the ice.

What do heavily-armored army vehicles celebrate for the holidays?

Tanksgiving

Why can't rappers take holidays?

They always forget Tupac.

What is a rednecks favorite pie during the holidays?

Pump-Kin

What is the most said band name during the holidays?

What do Native Americans do for the holidays?

Nativities.

Why couldn't the whistle blower make it home for the holidays?

He was snowden

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Where did the salami go on holiday?

Costa Deli-Sol

What do you call it when a cow goes on holiday?

A vaccation

Why did the man with acute bronchitis go on holiday?

Because he had a wee cough

Whos the coolest guy in hospital?

The ultra-sound guy. Who takes over when hes on holiday? The hip-replacement guy

Where do ants go for their holidays?

Frants!

What's a moo hoo for a cow barn on a holiday?

A merry dairy!

What does a racist decorate in their home for the holidays?

Their bigotry.

Where do bees go on holiday?

Stingapore!

Where do Koalas love to go for a holiday?

Koala Lumpur.

What did George Washington Abraham Lincoln and Christopher Columbus all have in common?

They were all born on holidays.

Where do ghosts go for their holidays?

The Dead Sea.

How fast can Klingon's run?

About Warf speed. My mom made this joke up last night at a bbq party. She likes to think she is funnier on holidays. Thanks, Mom.

What does a llama do when it goes on holidays?

Alpaca ya bags.

Why dont blacks celibrate Thanksgiving?

KFC isnt open on holidays.

Where were you on Friday?

Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...

What's a barber's favourite kind of holiday?

Cruising on a clipper.

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Rabbit Jokes More Rabbit Jokes

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hare-line.

Why did the Duck flying in the sky get Shot?

Michael J Fox was hunting rabbits.

Greet Jokes More Greet Jokes

How does a viola greet a relative?

Cello!

What is the farmers favorite way to greet someone?

Hay!

Mix Jokes More Mix Jokes

What is it called when you mix Alcohol and Literature?

Tequila Mockingbird. (X-post)

What do you get when you mix a Jehovah's Witness with an Atheist?

Someone who shows up to your door for no reason.

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

Where does Santa get presents for bad kids?

Kohl's.

What do you call a child who doesn't believe in Santa?

An eggnogstic

Boss Jokes More Boss Jokes

Why did the geologist quit his job?

His boss always took him for granite.

What did the Italian chef say when his boss tried to pick a fight?

You wanna pizza me!

Holiday Season Jokes More Holiday Season Jokes

How does a frog greet a rabbit during the holiday season?

Hoppy holidays, and have a hoppin New Hare! Happy holidays everyone.

What do black people drink during the Holiday Season?

Nignog

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

What do Jesus and a nerd have in common?

Both are long-haired, live at their parents' till their 30's, and if they'll do anything, it is considered a miracle.

What does Kevin 11 have that Peter Parker doesn't?

A living Ben and Gwen.

Frog Jokes More Frog Jokes

Why cant we interpret what frogs are saying?

They only speak in Morse-toad!

What do you call a frog with seven legs?

A seven-legged frog.