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How can you tell if a woman's picture is photoshopped?

She isn't standing in the kitchen

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Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you start to politely tell someone that their God isn't in the stars?

Well... If it's any constellation...

What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?

An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names...

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

How do mesquite trees get taller?

They stand on their mesqui-toes!

What did Steven hawking say when he first got his wheelchair?

I can't stand being in this

Kitchen Jokes More Kitchen Jokes

What do you call it when a Catholic remodels his kitchen?

A counter reformation.

Why can't women ski?

There's no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom.