How did the hipster burn his fingertips?

He was changing the lightbulb before it was cool. rimshot

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Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What's the difference between a crackhead and a John?

A crackhead buys crack so he can put it into his pipe and burn it. A John pays so that he can put his pipe into a crack that might burn him.

Why can't Charlie Sheen finish the alphabet?

Because when he gets to 'P' it burns.

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many psychiatrist does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes a really long time, and the lightbulb has to want to change...

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Zero.

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many believable competent "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years isn't it

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, but I bet we could pay them less than a group of men for the same amount of work.