How did the hipster burn his hand?

He was into lightbulbs before they were cool.

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Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

How did the polish terrorist burn his lips?

Burned them on a cars tailpipe when he tried blowing it up.

How Many Business Analysts Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

None. The light bulb shall never burn out. (OK. It's more cathartic than funny...)

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many US Congressmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh, please. Like they've ever changed anything that needed it.

How many puppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Do you know yet Me (in a sea of puppies): No, they haven't done it. Bring more

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

How do you stop a baby from walking in circles?

Pin its other hand to the ground.

What u doing later?

Wife: That's not what I meant by pick up my towel. Just hand it to me, idiot.