How does a watch maker tell you he likes you?

With a romantic tock.

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What did the guy who liked mustard say when he opened his fridge and saw no mustard?

You mustard be joking!

What do a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common?

They both like to crack open a cold one

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What'd Gandhi say when his friend told him to leave the protest?

Na 'ma ste

What dog can tell the time?

A watch dog!