How does Ebenezer Scrooge make phone calls?

Collect!

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What's the easiest way for a Gorilla hunter to make money?

Collect unemployment insurance!

What is a Furman freshman doing when he grasps at thin air?

Collecting his thoughts.

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What does Ebenezer Scrooge serve at his Christmas Party?

Humburgers!

How does Ebenezer Scrooge make phone calls?

Collect!

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How does a baritone make phone calls?

Song distance!

How does a barber make phone calls?

He cuts them short.