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How many tries did it take to find out if Lance Armstrong was ticklish?

One testtickle

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How are a hobo and a balloon alike?

Both are without visible means of support. (My son found that in a children's joke book)

What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains?

Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming

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What's the difference between a soldier and a sailor?

Ever tried dipping a sailor in a boiled egg?

Why is that, doc?

He replied, "I'm trying to examine you."

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What pen company did Lance Armstrong buy?

Uniball

What Happened when the girl sat on Lance Armstrong's lap?

She had a ball