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What did the man say who couldn't add the same number to itself?

I can't even...

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What does Lenny (of Mice and Men) do during foreplay?

Heavy petting.

What do you call a supernatural being that only grants wishes to men?

A miso-genie!

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How do you turn soup to gold?

Add 24 carrots

How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.

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What do I do?

Someone else yells "Call 911!" The blonde yells back "What's the number "

Why was number 6 scared of number 7?

Because 7 8 9!