What did the necrophile say when his girlfriend told him to be more romantic?

You're dead to me.

A nun with a javelin in her throat. (The only joke I can ever recall when asked for one. Told to me by my art teacher in Grade 11. Needless to say, he was my favourite teacher)

What dog can tell the time?

A watch dog!

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What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend when he broke up with her?

I need some space.

What do you call a corn cob on a track team?

A maize runner. Credit goes to my girlfriend.

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What did the necrophile say to his ex-girlfriend?

I only loved you for your body!

What do an alcoholic and a necrophile have in common?

They both like to crack open a cold one.