What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer?

You make my temperature rise.

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Rise Jokes More Rise Jokes

What happens to the water level in the aquarium when one of the fish dies?

It rises because the rest of the fishes are crying:'(

Why did balloon prices keep rising?

Because they had to adjust for inflation.

Thermometer Jokes More Thermometer Jokes

How can you tell the difference between a thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

How are you feeling?

The thermometer responded, "0K."