Thermometer Jokes

How can you tell the difference between a thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

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How are you feeling?

The thermometer responded, "0K."

How is a thief like a thermometer on a hot day?

They are both up to something.

What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer?

You make my temperature rise.

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Oral Rectal Thermometer Jokes More Oral Rectal Thermometer Jokes

What's the biggest difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?

The taste.

What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?

Mostly the taste.

Respond Jokes More Respond Jokes

When the cop asks you "Do you know how fast you were going?

Do NOT respond with "I know, right!"

What do you call a Vulcan philosopher who only responds in questions?

Spocrates.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a computer and a woman?

A computer only has to have information punched into it once.

What's the difference between the armed forces and Comcast?

Nobody ever says "Thank you for your service" to the latter.

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

How did the desk lamp store manager feel when thieves stole all his lightbulbs?

He was delighted.

Which teachers make pupils feel good about themselves?

Maths teachers, they make everybody count.

Big Difference Jokes More Big Difference Jokes

What's the biggest difference between Intel and AMD?

How they process things.

What's the biggest difference between a crayon and your ex?

The crayon is non-toxic!

Obtain Jokes More Obtain Jokes

Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?

Because nurses are taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side.

How does a cougar obtain the perfect tan?

She uses a perfect son.

Rectal Thermometer Jokes More Rectal Thermometer Jokes

What is the difference between a rectal thermometer and a regular thermometer?

The taste.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

How do all racist jokes start?

Looks over left shoulder* *Looks over right shoulder*

What did the Red light say to the Green light?

Don't look at me I'm changing!