Nurse Jokes

What the difference between a nun in a bathtub & a nurse in the bathtub?

One has soul full of hope & one has a hole full of soap... I'll walk myself out, sorry first post here

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What is a nurse in the maternity ward's favorite kind of food?

Delivery.

Why can't an IT guy be a doctor?

Nurse: Doctor, the patient's life support is acting strange... Doctor: Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Where does it hurt?

Me: *Points to heart* Nurse: Awwww that is so cute! Me. *COLLAPSES FROM HEART ATTACK*

What's this bit here?

NURSE: ...his heart ME: Hm. NURSE: Your resume said you were a surgeon ME: My resume says a lot of things

What did the emu say to the nurse?

Mend her bones or walk the plank

What do you call 5 doctors and nurses on a ship?

A decade Ba dum tish.

What's better than a paradox?

A pair of nurses

How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.

Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator?

Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.

What did the nurse who knocked on the pregnant lady's door say?

Womb Service!

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Why didn't the little girl want to leave nursery school?

She wanted to be a nurse.

What's the difference between a nurse and a nun?

A nun only serves one God.

What did the nurse say to John Cena?

ICU.

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Rectal Thermometer Jokes More Rectal Thermometer Jokes

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste

What's a difference between a oral and a rectal thermometer?

The taste

Delivery Jokes More Delivery Jokes

Why did the family not laugh at the Obstetrician's joke?

Because he screwed up the delivery...

What's the best part of a pregnancy joke?

The delivery.

Head Nurse Jokes More Head Nurse Jokes

How can you tell which is the head nurse?

The one with the dirty knees.

How can you tell which nurse is the head nurse at a hospital?

She's the one with the dirty knees.

Lot Jokes More Lot Jokes

Why did the big pig want to go on stage?

There was a lot of ham in him.

What do you call a woman who wants lots of compensation?

Sue.

Hospital Jokes More Hospital Jokes

What ward does Sauron visit in the hospital?

ICU

How do pigs gets to hospital?

In a hambulance

Soul Jokes More Soul Jokes

What is the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bathtub?

The girl in church has hope in her soul

What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

The nun has hope in her soul!

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

How's the baby?

Me: He keeps trying to shove socks thru the mail slot. Wife: Aw. His socks or yours Me: Socks is the neighbor's cat..

What do you get if you cross a tarantula with a rose?

I'm not sure but I wouldn't try smelling it!

Temperature Jokes More Temperature Jokes

What is the temperature of a ton-ton?

Luke warm

What's the temperature in Motown right now?

Three degrees, four tops