What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?

I haven't seen you for a year!

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What did the German physicist use to drink his beer?

Ein stein. - From Big Nate, as told by my kid.

What's worse than a chick telling you she only thinks of you as a friend?

When she says she thinks of you like a brother.

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How many good presidential candidates does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Its gonna be a dark four years, now isn't it

Why didn't the rope get any presents this year?

He was very knotty.

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What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?

I haven't seen you for a year!

What song do pigs sing on New Year's Eve?

Auld Lang Swine.