What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?

I haven't seen you for a year!

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What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?

An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names...

Why don't people tell Chemistry jokes?

Because they never get a reaction.

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How many good presidential candidates does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Its gonna be a dark four years, now isn't it

How much did Adidas spend in advertising at the World Cup this year?

At least a brazillion dollars...

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What song do pigs sing on New Year's Eve?

Auld Lang Swine.

What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?

I haven't seen you for a year!