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What's the 4th grade essay in the Detroit School District?

What I want to be *if* I grow up.

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Why do athletes like Sports Illustrated Magazine so much?

There's nothing athletes want more to see in a magazine than sports and illustrations.

Why did the monkey put a bone in his mouth?

He wanted to smoke a joint!

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Why is the capitol of Ireland growing so fast?

Because the population is always Dublin.

Why did Ariel wear seashells?

Because she grew out of her B shells.

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What's the hardest thing on a cowboy?

The 4th grade.

Whose bad idea was it to text him a 4th time just in case his phone was being weird?

Tequila, I'm looking at you.