What's the difference between a turtle and a tortoise?

I don't know but your mother's a whore!

This joke may have profanity.

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What's the difference between a gambler and a Kasich supporter?

A gambler might lose.

What's the difference between regular AIDS and north korean AIDS?

Regular AIDS is incurable. North Korean AIDS is invincible!

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What is Chipotle most known for?

A. Steak Bowls - B. Delicious Tacos - C. Chips - D. Burritos - E. Coli

Who's there? A little old lady. A little old lady who?

Wow, I didn't know you could yodel!

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Where can you find a turtle that has no legs?

Exactly where you left it.

What do you call Dana Carvey standing on the back of Dana Carvey?

Turtles all the way down

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What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise?

A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and bring back last weeks paper!

Why did the tortoise get arrested?

Because he got there before the hare.