Tortoise Jokes

What do you call a tortoise in a shell suit?

A tortoise.

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Why did the tortoise get arrested?

Because he got there before the hare.

What does a balding man and a tortoise have in common?

Hare loss.

What do you call an Orangutan, a tortoise and a hamster in cars?

Top Gear,

How is Jerry Sandusky like a tortoise?

He gets there before the hare

How is Sandusky like a tortoise?

He gets there before the hair...

Why don't tortoises wear scarves?

They have turtlenecks

What did the snail say while riding on the back of the tortoise?

Wheeeee!!!! --hey, at least it's a fun joke for kids!

Who would win in a race?

The Tortoise or the Reddit Servers

What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise?

A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and bring back last weeks paper!

What did Patrick Stewart say when he was given a tortoise for his birthday?

Please, take it back. I don't like getting attached to animals. Especially when they only live 100 years.

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Week Jokes More Week Jokes

What do you call a skeleton in fancy attire?

Fashionably late. I'll be here all week.

What would you call an additional day added to the week?

Sumday

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Walks away*

What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a dog?

An animal that barks at low flying aircraft!

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

Where do you usually find dogs?

It all depends on where you lose them.

How do you tell who loves you more. Your wife or your dog?

Put both of them in the trunk of your car...drive around...open the trunk and see who is happy to see you.

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

What kind of house does a stoned loaf of bread live in?

A high rise

What kind of house does cheese like to live in?

A cottage

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's go ride bikes!

What's the difference between Ice Age 4 and Batman The Dark Knight?

The kids walked out of Ice Age 4... Alive

Dance Jokes More Dance Jokes

Where can you dance in California?

A. San Fran-disco

Why do you want to be buried at sea?

Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.

Scarve Jokes More Scarve Jokes

Why don't tortoises wear scarves?

They have turtlenecks

Why was the hipster wearing a scarf during the summer?

He liked wearing scarves before it got cool.

Gear Jokes More Gear Jokes

What do you call an Orangutan, a tortoise and a hamster in cars?

Top Gear,

What was Jeremy Clarkson on during Top Gear?

SPEEEED!