Tortoise Jokes

What do you call a tortoise in a shell suit?

A tortoise.

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Why did the tortoise get arrested?

Because he got there before the hare.

What does a balding man and a tortoise have in common?

Hare loss.

What do you call an Orangutan, a tortoise and a hamster in cars?

Top Gear,

How is Sandusky like a tortoise?

He gets there before the hair...

Why don't tortoises wear scarves?

They have turtlenecks

What did the snail say while riding on the back of the tortoise?

Wheeeee!!!! --hey, at least it's a fun joke for kids!

What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise?

A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and bring back last weeks paper!

What did Patrick Stewart say when he was given a tortoise for his birthday?

Please, take it back. I don't like getting attached to animals. Especially when they only live 100 years.

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Why did the zombie turtle have so much trouble dancing?

Rigor tortoise.

Rabbit Jokes More Rabbit Jokes

What does a bunny do to a bank?

Rabbit

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?

Hare spray.

Paper Jokes More Paper Jokes

Why didn't the piece of paper move out of the way when a car came speeding towards it?

Because it was stationary.

Why did the paper follow the pencil?

Because it LED THE WAY! I'm on a roll here! this is fun! Skip

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

How did the road break its ankles?

The chicken crossed it.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a bird?

A gulp. It's like a swallow, only bigger.

Bald Jokes More Bald Jokes

What did the balding German frau exclaim when her husband left her?

Ach! I tink I'm losing mein Herr!

What did the court jester call the balding crown prince?

The Heir Apparent with no Hair Apparent.

Voldemort Jokes More Voldemort Jokes

How can you tell Voldemort used the bathroom before you?

He leaves a dark mark

What do you call a bad riddle?

Voldemort

Hair Jokes More Hair Jokes

What does a bee style his hair with?

A honey comb!

What experience do you have plucking chickens?

Me: See all those hairs on my chin No. Me: Exactly.

Bring Jokes More Bring Jokes

What kind of reptile do you bring on an expedition?

A navi-gator!

How many Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ten. One to actually change the lightbulb and nine to bring refreshments