Tortoise Jokes

What do you call a tortoise in a shell suit?

A tortoise.

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Why did the tortoise get arrested?

Because he got there before the hare.

What does a balding man and a tortoise have in common?

Hare loss.

What do you call an Orangutan, a tortoise and a hamster in cars?

Top Gear,

How is Jerry Sandusky like a tortoise?

He gets there before the hare

How is Sandusky like a tortoise?

He gets there before the hair...

Why don't tortoises wear scarves?

They have turtlenecks

What did the snail say while riding on the back of the tortoise?

Wheeeee!!!! --hey, at least it's a fun joke for kids!

Who would win in a race?

The Tortoise or the Reddit Servers

What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise?

A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and bring back last weeks paper!

What did Patrick Stewart say when he was given a tortoise for his birthday?

Please, take it back. I don't like getting attached to animals. Especially when they only live 100 years.

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Live Jokes More Live Jokes

Which alligator lives in the Arctic?

The refridgegator.

What kind of house does cheese like to live in?

A cottage

Reddit Server Jokes More Reddit Server Jokes

Who would win in a race?

The Tortoise or the Reddit Servers

What's all this talk about Reddit's servers being down?

Guess I can't see what everyone else sees.

Hair Jokes More Hair Jokes

Why does the moon have no hair?

Because it's waxing

Why don't you ever wear your hair down?

Me: It makes me look approachable. CW: So Me: I don't want to encourage that.

Patrick Stewart Jokes More Patrick Stewart Jokes

Why did Patrick Stewart shave his head?

So he could badly go where no man has gone before.

What did Patrick Stewart say when he proposed to his wife?

Engage.

Gear Jokes More Gear Jokes

What's the difference between a steampunk bike and a regular bike?

On a steampunk bike the gears don't do anything.

What does Jeremy Clarkson and Amy Winehouse have in common?

They both used to be on top gear.

Fun Joke Jokes More Fun Joke Jokes

What do you call a puppy in the desert?

Anyone else got some fun jokes your kids have told you?

What did the snail say while riding on the back of the tortoise?

Wheeeee!!!! --hey, at least it's a fun joke for kids!

Hare Jokes More Hare Jokes

What would you get if you crossed a cow with a rabbit?

Hare in your milk!

What do you call a row of three hares hopping backward?

A receding hare line.

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What do you call a horse who likes to carry all the groceries?

A one trip pony

What did the farmer say to Pat Sajak?

I'd like to buy an owl