Tortoise Jokes

What do you call a tortoise in a shell suit?

A tortoise.

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Why did the tortoise get arrested?

Because he got there before the hare.

What does a balding man and a tortoise have in common?

Hare loss.

What do you call an Orangutan, a tortoise and a hamster in cars?

Top Gear,

How is Jerry Sandusky like a tortoise?

He gets there before the hare

How is Sandusky like a tortoise?

He gets there before the hair...

Why don't tortoises wear scarves?

They have turtlenecks

What did the snail say while riding on the back of the tortoise?

Wheeeee!!!! --hey, at least it's a fun joke for kids!

Who would win in a race?

The Tortoise or the Reddit Servers

What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise?

A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and bring back last weeks paper!

What did Patrick Stewart say when he was given a tortoise for his birthday?

Please, take it back. I don't like getting attached to animals. Especially when they only live 100 years.

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Bring Jokes More Bring Jokes

Why doesn't Elin Nordegren ever shop at the fish market?

Because Tiger is always bringing home crabs!

What's the best vegetable to bring to a party?

Stephen Hawking

Labrador Jokes More Labrador Jokes

What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise?

A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and bring back last weeks paper!

How do you call an intelligent blonde?

A Labrador.

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What animals talk on the telephone the most?

The yakety-yaks!

What do reindeer have that other animals don't have?

Baby reindeer

Arrest Jokes More Arrest Jokes

What do you get if you cross a Buddhist monk and a 16 year old blonde cheerleader?

Arrested for procurement of a minor. Trust me on this one.

Why did the Addams have the late man arrested?

He was expected on Tuesday, but he came on Wednesday.

Gear Jokes More Gear Jokes

What do Amy Winehouse and Jeremy Clarkson have in common?

They were both on top gear.

What was Jeremy Clarkson on during Top Gear?

SPEEEED!

Orangutan Jokes More Orangutan Jokes

What do you call a beast made entirely from egg whites?

A Meringue-u-tang!!! Note: I know it's spelled Orangutan.

Who would win a battle between an orangutan and a hyena?

I don't know, but we'll find out November 8, 2016.

Bald Man Jokes More Bald Man Jokes

Why did the bald man go outside?

To get some fresh hair!

What did the bald man say when he got a comb as a gift?

I'll never part with this!

Rigor Jokes More Rigor Jokes

Why did the zombie turtle have so much trouble dancing?

Rigor tortoise.