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Tortoise Jokes

What do you call a tortoise in a shell suit?

A tortoise.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Why did the tortoise get arrested?

Because he got there before the hare.

What does a balding man and a tortoise have in common?

Hare loss.

What do you call an Orangutan, a tortoise and a hamster in cars?

Top Gear,

How is Jerry Sandusky like a tortoise?

He gets there before the hare

How is Sandusky like a tortoise?

He gets there before the hair...

Why don't tortoises wear scarves?

They have turtlenecks

What did the snail say while riding on the back of the tortoise?

Wheeeee!!!! --hey, at least it's a fun joke for kids!

Who would win in a race?

The Tortoise or the Reddit Servers

What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise?

A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and bring back last weeks paper!

What did Patrick Stewart say when he was given a tortoise for his birthday?

Please, take it back. I don't like getting attached to animals. Especially when they only live 100 years.

Birthday State of Mind

Birthday State of Mind

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Race Jokes More Race Jokes

Why did Russia lose the race?

Because it was Stalin! (Sorry. Communist jokes aren't funny unless every gets them.)

Why did the skull win 1st place in the race?

Because he ran ahead.

Hare Jokes More Hare Jokes

Why did the bald man draw rabbits all over his head?

From a distance they look like hares!

What do you call ten rabbits walking backwards?

A receding HARE line!

Scarve Jokes More Scarve Jokes

Why don't tortoises wear scarves?

They have turtlenecks

Why was the hipster wearing a scarf during the summer?

He liked wearing scarves before it got cool.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

Whole Foods Cashier: Do you have your grocery bags?

Me: Kidding At $6 an apple you should drive them home and make an apple pie for me.

How a husband describe his wife?

Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

Hair Jokes More Hair Jokes

What side of a monster has more hair?

The outside!

How do warty witches keep their hair out of place?

With scare spray.

Paper Jokes More Paper Jokes

What do you call a blank piece of paper?

Women's rights.

Why do they ask you if you want paper or plastic at the supermarket?

Because baggers can't be choosers.

Dance Jokes More Dance Jokes

How do you get a kleenex to dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

What dance do you do when summer is over?

Tango (tan go).

Arrest Jokes More Arrest Jokes

Why do rappers always get arrested?

Because he who did the rhyme did the crime

Why did the lettuce get arrested?

For disturbing the peas!