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What's worse than finding Astroglide on your Mom's shopping list?

Finding an empty bottle in the trash.

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What is the best way to find out if someone is ticklish?

Use your test tickles

What do you call a dictatorship founded on the principles of Ethos, Logos & Pathos?

An Aristotalitarian Regime.

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What is worse than three kids in trash can?

One kid in three trash cans

Why was this in the trash?

Me: 6: Me: It was too good. I didn't want to make your sisters jealous.

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What's in the bottle?

Me: "It's water." Cop: "This is wine." Me: "What! That Jesus! He did it again!"

Whats the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a bottle of glue?

Anyone can tuna piano, but nobody can piano a tuna!