What would I do if Future tried talking to me?

I'd autotune him out.

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What has 6 legs bits and talks in code?

A morese-quito!

What is headache?

5 minutes talk to wife.

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What did Bea Arthur whisper in her lover's ear?

An elaborate fantasy in which she is in prison and tries to escape by chewing through the bars of her cell.

What's the difference between a soldier and a sailor?

Ever tried dipping a sailor in a boiled egg?

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What do free masons do when they want to make a frame-by-frame remake of "Back to the Future"?

They Hire 'Em A Biff!

How many Biology undergrads does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but doing it will make them think they're going to be an electrician in the future.