Future Jokes

What do you call a crocodile/robot sent from the future to save the past?

Termigator (Jesus Christ this one's even worse than the last)

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What do you call a nose that can see into the future?

Nostrildamus

What do you call a man who can smell the future?

Nostrildamus

What do free masons do when they want to make a frame-by-frame remake of "Back to the Future"?

They Hire 'Em A Biff!

What's the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has a future...

What kind of pizzas can tell the future?

Medium Pizzas

How many people from the future does it take to change a light bulb?

The lightbulb works fine...

How does a man show he's planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

What is the Fonz looking forward to the most in the future?

The iPhone Ayyyye-t

How many Biology undergrads does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but doing it will make them think they're going to be an electrician in the future.

What is small, dark, and knocking at the door?

The future

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What do you call a hacker who can see the future?

A 4chan teller.

What do ghosts use to predict the future?

Horror-scopes!

Why do people say children are the future?

They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.

How do you think we can better handle this in the future?

ME glaring at Cheryl, who took the last donut: idk, maybe don't hire Cheryl

What would I do if Future tried talking to me?

I'd autotune him out.

What do you call gas from the human body that NASA could impliment into fuel for their technology in the future?

Rocket Farts.

How many Biology undergrads does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but doing it will make them think they're going to be an electrician in the future.

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Why wasn't there a Captain America movie tie in videogame?

Because every time one bug was fixed, 2 more appeared.

What do you say to someone who appears to have done irreparable harm to themselves despite multiple warnings to the contrary?

U.K.

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Why did Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond never get a divorce?

She didn't want an ex Ray Edit: I meant debra

What do vegetarian zombies want?

Graaaaiiiiinss!

Calendar Jokes More Calendar Jokes

Why did the man tear a page out of the calendar?

He wanted to take a month off.

Why did the calendar die?

It's days were numbered.

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What did Han.... Tell Leia after they separated?

May Divorce be with you.*

What did Nietzsche tell his editor when he finished writing Thus Spoke Zarathustra?

It's over, man.

Isis Jokes More Isis Jokes

What's the the key to telling an ISIS joke?

The execution.

Why does ISIS drink instant coffee?

Because they hate French press!

Nose Jokes More Nose Jokes

What do you call a nose without a body?

Nobody knows.

What do you call a nose that can see into the future?

Nostrildamus

Save Jokes More Save Jokes

Why isn't the guy who wrote "Danger Zone" and the Saved by the Bell theme very active on social media?

He forgot his Loggins

How do French thank who save their files?

Merci backup.