Future Jokes

What do you call a crocodile/robot sent from the future to save the past?

Termigator (Jesus Christ this one's even worse than the last)

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What do you call a nose that can see into the future?

Nostrildamus

What do you call a man who can smell the future?

Nostrildamus

What do free masons do when they want to make a frame-by-frame remake of "Back to the Future"?

They Hire 'Em A Biff!

What's the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has a future...

What kind of pizzas can tell the future?

Medium Pizzas

Why doesn't ISIS appear in any Sci-Fi shows or movies?

Because they are set in the future.

How many people from the future does it take to change a light bulb?

The lightbulb works fine...

How does a man show he's planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

What is the Fonz looking forward to the most in the future?

The iPhone Ayyyye-t

What was the humor like back then?

I was just wondering about how many jokes today maybe irrelevant 100 years into the future. To test this theory, what are the oldest recorded jokes?

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How many Biology undergrads does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but doing it will make them think they're going to be an electrician in the future.

What is small, dark, and knocking at the door?

The future

What do you call a hacker who can see the future?

A 4chan teller.

What do ghosts use to predict the future?

Horror-scopes!

Why do people say children are the future?

They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.

How do you think we can better handle this in the future?

ME glaring at Cheryl, who took the last donut: idk, maybe don't hire Cheryl

What would I do if Future tried talking to me?

I'd autotune him out.

What do you call gas from the human body that NASA could impliment into fuel for their technology in the future?

Rocket Farts.

How many Biology undergrads does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but doing it will make them think they're going to be an electrician in the future.

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Save Jokes More Save Jokes

Why does the Catholic Church have so much money?

Because Jesus saves.

What song do turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?

God save the kin.

Picture Jokes More Picture Jokes

How many sorority girls does it take to change a lightbulb?

Seven. One to change it, two to take pictures, and four to make t-shirts for the event.

What did the defendant say when he saw his picture hung up in the courtroom?

I've been framed.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the horse stir his cereal with his hoof?

Because he wanted to feel his oats!

What Did Superman Tell Superwoman?

Do you want to be in my Crib Tonight (Kryptonite)

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you know you're talking to a pilot?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

How do you know whether somebody is a vegan?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

Set Jokes More Set Jokes

What do you call a woman who sets all her money on fire?

Bernadette!

Why does the sun never set on the British Empire?

Because God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe?

Question: What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe? Answer: One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.

What's the difference between a blonde and a washer?

When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn't follow you around for a week.

Isis Jokes More Isis Jokes

What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover?

100 meter Daesh

What's the difference between an ISIS training camp and an elementary school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

Way Jokes More Way Jokes

How do you fit an elephant in the subway?

You take the letter "S" out of "sub", and the letter "F" out of "way".

Why did Muhammad cross the road?

Because he had the right of way.