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When she found out she said "ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Yes, I'm not kidding you." he said.

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What do the average woman and kids on a snow day have in common?

They're both hoping for nine inches, but will be happy enough with five.

What if she drinks too much, or gets high?

Me: You really aren't my kid are you

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Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?

A mental hospital.

What do you call a fake psychic who was found out and now shoots up in ditches?

A high medium low