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Why are you calling me Grandpa?

Because I couldn't find it yesterday.

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What two places can you find a California roll?

Sushi bars and stop signs.

What do you think about the coming battle General?

God knows it will be lost. - Then why should we go for it - To find out who is the loser.

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What did you do for Mothers Day yesterday?

Mothers Day is this upcoming Sunday.

What's the craic?

2: Not much, Brian. I had a pint yesterday. 1: Oh! Really I thought you were only 15 2: I am! 1: So what was it Guiness 2: No, it was water.

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What weebles and wobbles but can't get up?

Grandpa having a seizure. Bonus: Statistically speaking, 1 in 5 adult men

What do you call a grandpa who couldn't understand why his email wanted to upload his attachment to share it?

An old man yelling at the cloud