Yesterday Jokes

What do women and the stock market have in common?

If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money. My boss said he made this up on the spot yesterday. Never heard it before so I figured I'd post it.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

Who ever said time cannot be bought?

I bought some thyme yesterday.

Why did I rob the bank?

For Fundsies! I made that one up yesterday so I really hope nobody has heard it before.

What would you call it if pigs were flying yesterday?

Swine flu

What kind of turns do letters take?

U-turns! *From my 9 year old son yesterday. Fixed typo.

Why can't you lie to an aborted fetus?

It wasn't born yesterday.

Why did you call off yesterday?

Me: You said I should do what's best for the company. Boss.... Me: I'll take that promotion now.

Which day is the most agreeable?

Yesterday

What does Miley Cyrus have for Christmas Dinner?

Twerky! I thought of that yesterday, apologies if you've heard it a thousand times already.

Why are you calling me Grandpa?

Because I couldn't find it yesterday.

Who is your best friend?

Robert" "Since when is Robert your best friend " "Yesterday."

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

Why can't you trick an aborted fetus?

It wasn't born yesterday

What do you call a Mexican baby born yesterday?

Diego

What is the chemical formula for water?

Student: "HIJKLMNO." Teacher: "What are you talking about " Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"

How long have you been in pain?

Women: It started at 7:45am on Monday while I was at work Men: Sometime between yesterday and 1997

How can you be so sure?

I was 10 years old yesterday.

You might also enjoy:

Pao Jokes More Pao Jokes

How does Pocahontas celebrate her Cake Day?

With a Pao Wow.

Why would Ellen Pao not do her own AMA?

General Pao's chicken.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

How would you like your school girls today, Mr. Holmes?

Elementary, my dear Watson.

What was the last thing a blonde heard before dying of old age?

"Today children we will learn our ABC's"

Lot Jokes More Lot Jokes

How are doctors so well tempered even under heavy stress?

They have a lot of patients

How do locomotives know where they're going?

Lots of training

Nut Jokes More Nut Jokes

How do you grow a cow?

Plant its nuts.

What does a mechanic do during a 1 night stand?

He screws, nuts, and bolts

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What do you call the guy you buy your weed from?

Your chron-tact.

What pen company did Lance Armstrong buy?

Uniball

Flu Jokes More Flu Jokes

What does Isaac Asimov take when he has the flu?

I, Robotussin.

What do you call a pig with the flu?

A swine swine.

Bank Jokes More Bank Jokes

Why was the robber bionic?

He was holding up a bank.

What bank do birds open accounts with?

The one with the most branches!

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What did the Russian soldier say when he held his newborn sibling in his hands for the first time?

You're my brother in arms!

What do you do with the time saved?

Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what