Yesterday Jokes

Who ever said time cannot be bought?

I bought some thyme yesterday.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

Why did I rob the bank?

For Fundsies! I made that one up yesterday so I really hope nobody has heard it before.

What would you call it if pigs were flying yesterday?

Swine flu

What kind of turns do letters take?

U-turns! *From my 9 year old son yesterday. Fixed typo.

Why can't you lie to an aborted fetus?

It wasn't born yesterday.

Why did you call off yesterday?

Me: You said I should do what's best for the company. Boss.... Me: I'll take that promotion now.

Which day is the most agreeable?

Yesterday

What does Miley Cyrus have for Christmas Dinner?

Twerky! I thought of that yesterday, apologies if you've heard it a thousand times already.

Why can't you trick an aborted fetus?

It wasn't born yesterday

What is the chemical formula for water?

Student: "HIJKLMNO." Teacher: "What are you talking about " Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"

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9 Year Old Jokes More 9 Year Old Jokes

What did one dry erase marker say to the other?

I'm bored! (As in board) Another one from my 9 year-old.

What's the difference between a blue 7 and a red 4?

3, duh. (My ex's 9 year old little sister told me this joke, and followed is up with: "and YOU'RE the math guy!" >< Burned.)

Post Jokes More Post Jokes

How do you keep someone curious?

I'll tell you on my next post

Why did Billy not care who he offended while posting on the internet?

Because the ends justify the memes

Pull Jokes More Pull Jokes

What do you think of wearing a straight jacket?

I think I could pull it off

How did the unqualified harp player get into the orchestra?

She pulled some strings.

Hope Jokes More Hope Jokes

What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?

I don't know but you'd better hope he likes it!

What's the difference between a woman in a bathtub and a woman in a church?

The woman in church has hope in her soul.

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What do you get when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question?

.........

How many redditors does it take to get a joke?

Three. One to get the punchline, and one to point out the math is wrong.

Pop Jokes More Pop Jokes

What do you call an arcade game that involves you hitting avocados that pop out of the top of it?

Guac-A-Mole.

What is similar between Spain, Ireland, and the United States?

Their economies falter after a popping of a housing bubble.

Pao Jokes More Pao Jokes

Fly Jokes More Fly Jokes

What does a turkey do when he flies upside down?

He gobbles up.

What time do dentists fly airplanes?

Tooth Hurty (2:30)