Yesterday Jokes

Who ever said time cannot be bought?

I bought some thyme yesterday.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

Why did I rob the bank?

For Fundsies! I made that one up yesterday so I really hope nobody has heard it before.

What would you call it if pigs were flying yesterday?

Swine flu

What kind of turns do letters take?

U-turns! *From my 9 year old son yesterday. Fixed typo.

Why can't you lie to an aborted fetus?

It wasn't born yesterday.

Why did you call off yesterday?

Me: You said I should do what's best for the company. Boss.... Me: I'll take that promotion now.

Which day is the most agreeable?

Yesterday

What does Miley Cyrus have for Christmas Dinner?

Twerky! I thought of that yesterday, apologies if you've heard it a thousand times already.

Why can't you trick an aborted fetus?

It wasn't born yesterday

What is the chemical formula for water?

Student: "HIJKLMNO." Teacher: "What are you talking about " Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"

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9 Year Old Son Jokes More 9 Year Old Son Jokes

What kind of turns do letters take?

U-turns! *From my 9 year old son yesterday. Fixed typo.

Lot Jokes More Lot Jokes

Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences?

Because there is a lot of reposting to do.

What does a fashionable criminal always make sure they have a lot of?

Accessories

Abort Baby Jokes More Abort Baby Jokes

Why can't you trick an aborted baby?

Because it was not born yesterday.

Why can't you fool the aborted baby?

It wasn't born yesterday.

Tomorrow Jokes More Tomorrow Jokes

How does procrastination start?

I'll tell you tomorrow.

What do you say to a lady that has to make 100 shirts by tomorrow?

You seamstressed

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

Why the letter "G" is scary?

In one fine evening it can turn your host into... GHOST.

What's black, white, red, and can't turn around in an elevator?

A nun with a javelin through her head.

Hope Jokes More Hope Jokes

Why did I rob the bank?

For Fundsies! I made that one up yesterday so I really hope nobody has heard it before.

What did the byte do to keep each of his bits safe?

He had to a-lock-eight into memory. -This is an original, hope you all enjoy.

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

How many seconds are there in a year?

Twelve

What is Tigger's favorite day?

Leap Day, but Spring Forward is a close second.

Pig Jokes More Pig Jokes

Why doesn't Santa hitch his sleigh to a pig?

Pigs don't have red noses.

What did the pig say on a hot summer day?

I'm bacon!