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Why did the vulture fly United Airlines?

Because they allow 1 free carrion

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Why'd the vulture check his bag?

The airline didn't allow carrion luggage.

What does the polite racist say?

I will take over now, if you allow.

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What do cows usually fly around in?

Helicowpters and Bulloons.

What s the difference between an ostridge?

It can neither fly

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How many teenage girls does it take to change a lightbulb?

11. 1 to change the lightbulb & 10 to take 200 photos of it & clog my newsfeed.

What weebles and wobbles but can't get up?

Grandpa having a seizure. Bonus: Statistically speaking, 1 in 5 adult men