Why is a burning candle like being thirsty?

Beacause a little water ends both of them!

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What if I see a puppy?

What if my house burns down

Why did ISIS burn 10000 copies of "Dark Side Of The Moon"?

Because it's a terrible album.

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How do you end an argument with a woman?

Tell her to calm down. You're dead now but the argument is over.

Why did the crowd watch the man futily attempt to blend oil and water for hours on end?

It was unmiscible.