How do you know statisticians are always serious?

They mean what they say.

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What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?

Santa knows to stop after three Ho's.

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

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Why do tennis players never get married?

Because Love means nothing to them.

What do you mean I can't change the past?

Logs on to Wikipedia*

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What do you call it when a statistician secretly gives out clothes?

Discreet uniform distribution

Who's to say tomorrow won't be the best day of your life?

A statistician.