How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Zero.

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How many surrealists does it take to screw in a fish?

Lightbulb.

How many NRA members does it take to change a lightbulb?

More guns.

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How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh, it's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.

How many Broncos does it take to change a tire?

One. Unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up.

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What do you call a scale that always resets itself to zero?

Tareable

How do you know you're golfing with a politician?

When they get a hole-in-one they write down *zero* on the scorecard.