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How many times does 1 go into 0?

As Many Times As It Wants!

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What does a bird say when it wants revenge?

Toucan play at that game!

Why did the chemist join the Pentecostal church?

He wanted to speak in tungsten.

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Why do you hate me?

Me any time someone tells me I have to sleep on a futon

What is honeymoon?

That brief span of time between "I do" and "You'd better!"

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What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut?

Remove only the top 1% please.

What is a horses number 1 priority when voting?

A stable economy