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What are your best "If I had for every time..." jokes?

Two of my favorites are:

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What did the mommy broom say to the baby broom?

Time to go to sweep.

Why did so many blacks die in Vietnam?

Every time someone said "Get down!" they jumped up and started dancing.

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

Why should you never mention the number 288?

Because it's two gross! (A gross is a measurement unit for "144". So 2 * 144 = 288. Or "two gross".)

What does a redditer say when he reads a joke on r/jokes?

We saw that same joke two days ago

Favorite Jokes More Favorite Jokes

What is Macauley Culkins favorite salad dressing?

Neverland Ranch.

What's your favorite part about being a stay-at-home mom?

Me: Showering is optional Her: HAHAHA, be serious. Me: Ok, no drug tests.