What are your best "If I had for every time..." jokes?

Two of my favorites are:

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why did the guy give up connecting his controller to his Xbox?

He was syncing too much time into it.

What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?

He screwed, nutted, and bolted.

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What did the ant whisper into the elephant's ear that made the elephant faint?

I'm going to be the mother of your children." I have no idea whether the joke is lost in translation...

Why should you not tell jokes to sand paper?

It's a rough crowd...Ba da bum chssh

Favorite Jokes More Favorite Jokes

What is cookie monsters favorite war?

Vietnom nom nom nom

What's Bernie Sanders favorite Christmas Carols?

Deck the halls with boughs of free cash