What do you call a carpenter who needs fewer nails?

Jesus

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Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

What were Jesus' final words?

So long and thanks for all the fish." Edit: Everyone hates me.

Why didn't Jesus play during the Isreal-Palestine soccer game?

He got suspended.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What time do kids need naps?

At whine o'clock.

Whats the difference between a retard and a woman?

The retard doesn't need to be buggered to think he's special.

Carpenter Jokes More Carpenter Jokes

What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife?

He gets hammered and she gets nailed.

How do historians know that Joseph wasn't Jesus' dad?

Because when you're a carpenter in the desert you can't get wood.