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Carpenter Jokes

What does a crappy Carpenter make?

Loose stools

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What do you call a carpenter who needs fewer nails?

Jesus

What did the car-painter say to the carpenter?

You sound just like me!

How can you tell if a carpenter is happy?

Check his spirit level.

How is Jesus different from other carpenters?

Unlike other carpenters, Jesus may actually return one day

How does a carpenter effectively build stairs?

He thinks one step ahead

What did the carpenter say to the girl he loved?

Oh sweetheart, you are the eye of my maple....

Why did the Carpenters wife leave him?

Because he was screwing around.

How do historians know that Joseph wasn't Jesus' dad?

Because when you're a carpenter in the desert you can't get wood.

Why does no one want to work in the yard with a carpenter?

Because they take a fence to that.

What's the difference between Jesus and other carpenters?

Jesus may actually return some day.

We've Got This Love Thing Down

We've Got This Love Thing Down

Why don't you ask Joseph, the carpenter?

God: Uh huge grin cos I'm banging his wife raises hand up top

Who was the first carpenter ever?

Eve, she made Adam's banana stand.

How to be Like Jesus 1. Be a carpenter. 2. Be a nice guy. 3.?

4. Prophet.

What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife?

He gets hammered and she gets nailed.

Why the carpenter is always constipated?

Because his stool so hard!

Why did the carpenter join the army?

Because he wanted to be a Drill Sergeant

What does a carpenter do after one night stand?

A matching one for the other side of the bed.

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Why did Medusa order pizza?

Her boyfriend was stoned.

What did the Time Traveller find when he brought a joint to Ancient Greece?

The Philosophers Stoned

Spirit Level Jokes More Spirit Level Jokes

How do Ghosts lay foundations?

With a spirit level!

How do Religious Education teachers mark exams?

With spirit levels.

Measure Jokes More Measure Jokes

How do you measure a snake?

In inches. Snakes don't have any feet.

What does a cow measure its harddrive in?

Moogabytes

Carpenter Wife Jokes More Carpenter Wife Jokes

Why did the Carpenters wife leave him?

Because he was screwing around.

Why did the carpenter's wife leave him?

He was screwing around when he was supposed to be nailing her.

Roman Jokes More Roman Jokes

How did the Roman cut his hair?

Caesar

What do you get when you ask for a Roman pinch hitter?

An Italian sub!

Crucify Jokes More Crucify Jokes

What was Jesus' reaction to being crucified?

He was cross.

What did the Romans say to each other after crucifying Jesus?

Nailed it!

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why did the 3d modeler need back surgery?

He injured his spline!

How many MRAs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Tires need changing too you know!

30 Jokes More 30 Jokes

What do you call someone who has to shave 30 times a day?

A barber

What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

Shirley you can't be Sirius.