Carpenter Jokes

What does a crappy Carpenter make?

Loose stools

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What do you call a carpenter who needs fewer nails?

Jesus

What did the car-painter say to the carpenter?

You sound just like me!

How can you tell if a carpenter is happy?

Check his spirit level.

How is Jesus different from other carpenters?

Unlike other carpenters, Jesus may actually return one day

How does a carpenter effectively build stairs?

He thinks one step ahead

Why were all Roman buildings made of stone?

They crucified the carpenter.

What did the carpenter say to the girl he loved?

Oh sweetheart, you are the eye of my maple....

Why did the Carpenters wife leave him?

Because he was screwing around.

How do historians know that Joseph wasn't Jesus' dad?

Because when you're a carpenter in the desert you can't get wood.

Why does no one want to work in the yard with a carpenter?

Because they take a fence to that.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Who was the first carpenter?

Eve, she made Adam's banana stand.

What's the difference between Jesus and other carpenters?

Jesus may actually return some day.

What's the difference between a carpenter and a construction worker?

30 IQ points. This, as any carpenter will tell you, isn't a joke.

Why don't you ask Joseph, the carpenter?

God: Uh huge grin cos I'm banging his wife raises hand up top

Who was the first carpenter ever?

Eve, she made Adam's banana stand.

How to be Like Jesus 1. Be a carpenter. 2. Be a nice guy. 3.?

4. Prophet.

What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife?

He gets hammered and she gets nailed.

Why the carpenter is always constipated?

Because his stool so hard!

Why did the carpenter join the army?

Because he wanted to be a Drill Sergeant

What does a carpenter do after one night stand?

A matching one for the other side of the bed.

You might also enjoy:

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell if a black women is pregnant?

Put a tampon in her, take it out and see if the cottons picked off.

What do you need to have to do the dishes when you don't want to?

Dishcipline This is literally a joke I told in a dream and I remembered it when waking up.

Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

What sound is emitted by a drowning mathematician?

Log log log log log log log log log...

What do you call an Australian who's prejudiced against grains?

A riceist. (It sounds better when you say it aloud)

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Whats the difference between Australia and a yoghurt?

Leave a yoghurt out in the sun for 300 years and it'll develop a culture

How did the blonde break her leg from raking the leaves?

She fell out of the tree.

Measure Jokes More Measure Jokes

How do pirates measure rope?

In yarr'ds.

Why do rappers make bad carpenters?

Because they measure 5.5 to 6 inches as 8 to 13 inches.

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

Why was Edward unable to get out of Russia?

Because he was Snowd en! (according to my friends this joke has been around for awhile, but I hadn't seen it yet, and wanted to share the goof)

What's in front of a woman and in the back of a cow?

The W. Yeah my dad just busted this joke on me.

Return Jokes More Return Jokes

Why did Napoleon return from exile?

He needed more Elba room.

What are OJ Simpson's favorite keys on a computer?

Return Home Slash Slash Backslash Shift Shift Shift Escape

30 Jokes More 30 Jokes

How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 - One to hold the light bulb and 29 to drink until the room spins.

What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

Shirley you can't be Sirius.

Stone Jokes More Stone Jokes

Who's there A gorgon. A gorgon who?

420 gaze it. Geddit. Because then you'd be stoned Okay, sorry I'll leave.

What do you call someone who gets stoned and baked?

A witch.