Carpenter Jokes

What does a crappy Carpenter make?

Loose stools

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What do you call a carpenter who needs fewer nails?

Jesus

What did the car-painter say to the carpenter?

You sound just like me!

How can you tell if a carpenter is happy?

Check his spirit level.

How is Jesus different from other carpenters?

Unlike other carpenters, Jesus may actually return one day

How does a carpenter effectively build stairs?

He thinks one step ahead

What did the carpenter say to the girl he loved?

Oh sweetheart, you are the eye of my maple....

Why did the Carpenters wife leave him?

Because he was screwing around.

How do historians know that Joseph wasn't Jesus' dad?

Because when you're a carpenter in the desert you can't get wood.

Why does no one want to work in the yard with a carpenter?

Because they take a fence to that.

What's the difference between Jesus and other carpenters?

Jesus may actually return some day.

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Why don't you ask Joseph, the carpenter?

God: Uh huge grin cos I'm banging his wife raises hand up top

Who was the first carpenter ever?

Eve, she made Adam's banana stand.

How to be Like Jesus 1. Be a carpenter. 2. Be a nice guy. 3.?

4. Prophet.

What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife?

He gets hammered and she gets nailed.

Why the carpenter is always constipated?

Because his stool so hard!

Why did the carpenter join the army?

Because he wanted to be a Drill Sergeant

What does a carpenter do after one night stand?

A matching one for the other side of the bed.

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Bad Carpenter Jokes More Bad Carpenter Jokes

Why was Jesus such a bad carpenter?

He couldn't remove three nails to save his life

Why do rappers make bad carpenters?

Because they measure 5.5 to 6 inches as 8 to 13 inches.

Life Jokes More Life Jokes

What is every blonde's ambition in life?

To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

What do men and hardwood flooring have in common?

Lay 'em right the first time and you can walk all over them the rest of your life!

Stone Jokes More Stone Jokes

What did the Queen fans say at the stoning?

We will We will Rock you!

Why were the Ten Commandments so powerful?

Because they were set in stone.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What's the difference between Jesus and other carpenters?

Jesus may actually return some day.

What did the Momma buffalo say to the baby buffalo on his first day of school?

Bye Son (Bison)

Save Jokes More Save Jokes

What do you call Protestants who want to save a dime?

Econoclasts.

Whoa. There are books on TAPE?

Now I can stop reading while I drive. This is gonna save so many lives.

Stair Jokes More Stair Jokes

Why can't you trust stairs?

Because they are always up to something.

What do you call an arrogant prisoner walking down the stairs?

Condescending.)

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What's the definition of "de javu"?

Jokes on

What's the best thing about banging 28 year olds?

There's 20 of them. don't get triggered, just a joke! Paedophilia is not funny

Remove Jokes More Remove Jokes

How do you make a drummers car more aerodynamic?

You remove the pizza delivery sign! Hahahahaaa..ha

What's the most outplayed joke in all of /r/jokes?

Removed