Carpenter Jokes

What does a crappy Carpenter make?

Loose stools

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What did the car-painter say to the carpenter?

You sound just like me!

How can you tell if a carpenter is happy?

Check his spirit level.

How is Jesus different from other carpenters?

Unlike other carpenters, Jesus may actually return one day

How does a carpenter effectively build stairs?

He thinks one step ahead

What did the carpenter say to the girl he loved?

Oh sweetheart, you are the eye of my maple....

Why did the Carpenters wife leave him?

Because he was screwing around.

Why does no one want to work in the yard with a carpenter?

Because they take a fence to that.

What's the difference between Jesus and other carpenters?

Jesus may actually return some day.

How to be Like Jesus 1. Be a carpenter. 2. Be a nice guy. 3.?

4. Prophet.

Why the carpenter is always constipated?

Because his stool so hard!

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Why did the carpenter join the army?

Because he wanted to be a Drill Sergeant

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What kind of joke do you tell to a vegetarian?

One they've never herbivore.

Why didnt Spock make a record of their voyage?

Because it was deep space. (the joke is how the outer space was very deep)

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What does a Maple leaf fan do when they win the cup?

Turn off their console and go to sleep.

What did the carpenter say to the girl he loved?

Oh sweetheart, you are the eye of my maple....

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What are you supposed to be?

ME: I'm not wearing a costume

Who names hurricanes?

Are people actually supposed to be intimidated by something named Sandy?

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Why did the Carpenters wife leave him?

Because he was screwing around.

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Why is Peter Pan on the No-Fly list?

Whenever he boards a plane it neverlands

What's the difference between North Korea amd South Korea?

North Koreans have no Seoul. Thought of this very early in the morning waiting to board a plane.

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How do construction workers party?

They raise the roof.

Why didn't the construction worker like to get wet?

Because he didn't drywall.

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What do you call a hula hoop with a nail on the inside?

A Navel Destroyer.

Why doesn't Jesus Play Hockey???

Because he doesn't want to be nailed to the boards.