What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?

What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."

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Smoke Jokes More Smoke Jokes

What do you call a tree that smokes weed?

Snoop Log

How do you find out what's in an e-cigarette?

Just ask someone not to smoke it next to you.

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

What car does Boba Fett drive?

A ManDeLorean.

What do you do when you hear a woman got hit by a car?

Wonder how the hell a car got into the kitchen

Store Jokes More Store Jokes

Why is the Adults only store open 24hrs?

Because get off at different times.

What do you call it when you go to the store just to use their dumbbells and then leave?

Shoplifting

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why did the cellphone go to court?

Because it was charged with battery.

How amphetamine addiction is called?

Need for Speed.

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

Why is a UTI such a bad thing?

Because it means urine trouble

How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well it depends on what you mean by change.

Deal Jokes More Deal Jokes

How do mathematicians deal with constipation?

They work it out with a pencil.

What's the deal with my laptop?

I'm sitting there typing and the battery drains, does this ever happen to you? So this little message pops up: Plug in or find another power source. Do you get that message? What other power source are they talking about? Well, I can't find that cable, so I'll go ahead and plug in to the hamster wheel generator I keep just in case. That's my other power source.

Bowl Jokes More Bowl Jokes

How do you encourage a potter while he's glazing his bowl?

Way to go dude, you're kiln it!

How do you fit 3 babies in a bowl?

Blender. How do you get them out? Chips.