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What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?

What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."

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Smoke Jokes More Smoke Jokes

Why kind of cigarettes do Hawaiians smoke?

Mahalo bro lights.

How many heroin addicts does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four. One to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room starts spinning!

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

What did the undertaker say as the coffin fell out of the car?

We'll have to rehearse that.

How am I driving?

No seriously, how did I get here. This isn't my car.

Store Jokes More Store Jokes

What type of store doesn't move?

A stationary store.

What do you call a store that sells terribly made Nun appeal?

The Bad Habit.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why does Kanye West need a billion dollars for ideas?

Ben Franklin discovered electricity with a kite.

What machine do you need to make a girl fall in love with you?

An ATM machine

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

Where do you want to be buried?

Me: You mean after I die, right

How many husbands have I had?

You mean apart from my own

Deal Jokes More Deal Jokes

Why did the Native American quit his desk job at the Marriot?

He didn't like dealing with reservations.

What's the deal with airline food!?

LMAO

Bowl Jokes More Bowl Jokes

How'd he do that?

Because you can't bowl a 300 and lose.

What do you give to an owl who is not being himself?

A Bowl (B-Owl)