What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?

What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."

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Smoke Jokes More Smoke Jokes

What do you call it when you smoke weed and work out at the same time?

Getting all high and mighty

What kind of marijuana do cows smoke?

Moo-dicinal

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

What do you call a Mexican who's car got stolen?

Carlos.

Which snakes are found on cars?

Windscreen vipers.

Store Jokes More Store Jokes

Why did the Eagle go to store to buy some Rogaine?

To cover up his bald spot.

What do my dad and Carly Rae Jepsen have in common?

They both said they were just going to the store

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What do you say when you catch a deer with no eyes?

I have no-eye-deer! (Unless you're a dad, you may need to sound it out)

Why did the astronomer break up with his girlfriend?

He just needed some space.

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What did the aardvark say to Noah?

What do you mean you only brought two ants!

How did Reddit not fell down yet?

I mean, it is only hanging by threads...

Deal Jokes More Deal Jokes

What did the mods say when they found me giving Reddit gold to my alt account?

He who smelt it, dealt it.

Why are Jedis allowed to use negative numbers?

Because only Siths deal in absolutes.

Bowl Jokes More Bowl Jokes

How'd he do that?

Because you can't bowl a 300 and lose.

Who's there! Bowl! Bowl who?

Bowl me over!