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What do you call a snake that likes history?

A HISSStorian.

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What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall?

At the Schopenhauer.

What did the guy who liked mustard say when he opened his fridge and saw no mustard?

You mustard be joking!

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What's long green and goes hith?

A snake with a lisp!

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?

Fang letters!

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What was the best time in history for the Italians?

The Marin-era

How many women does it take to invent something?

Nobody knows, history is still waiting....