A private tooter
A sphinxter.
Ice melt it.
Son: It was all right except for some man called "Teacher" who kept spoiling all our fun!
The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean Michael " she asked. "No ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."
A privet tutor
Two friends meet together and one asks: What would you do if you won the lottery? -I would build a brothel! Oh, and if it went wrong and you loose money? -I'd open it to the public