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Public Jokes

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Two friends meet together and one asks: What would you do if you won the lottery? -I would build a brothel! Oh, and if it went wrong and you loose money? -I'd open it to the public

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What did the doctor say when he saw two fetuses being too affectionate in public?

Get a womb, you two.

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?

A Private Tutor.

What do you say when you see two cleaning ladies making out in public?

Get a broom.

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.

What do you call a guy that never farts in public?

A privet tutor

What do you call someone who never farts in public?

A PRIVATE TUTOR

What do a Yugo and a bath have in common?

You can't step out of them in public.

Why wouldn't the teacher fart in public?

Because she was a private tutor

What do you call a guy who does not fart in public?

A private tutor.

Why was the man arrested for looking at sets of dentures in a dentist's window?

Because it was against the law to pick your teeth in public.

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Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many protestors do you need to change a lightbulb?

Trick question. Protestors don't change anything.

How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

13\. Number 9 will shock you!

Brothel Jokes More Brothel Jokes

What did Santa say when he went to a brothel?

Hoe hoe hoe!

Why don't pirates ever stop going to brothels?

They can't get enough booty.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What do you call a security guard who works at Samsung?

A Guardian of the Galaxy

Why did the bowling pins stop working?

They went on strike!

Delivery Jokes More Delivery Jokes

What a common problem with r/jokes and FedEx?

Delivery

What does an inexperienced public speaker and a pizza place with high workers have in common?

They both have problems with delivery.

Number Jokes More Number Jokes

Why do most movie sequels stink?

Because movie makers are basically doing a number 2.

Why does no one like the number 4?

It's too square.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Why did the wizard ask a pretty chick to throw a heavy box on him?

Not just the hard on............ it would've made him more flexible

How many blondes does it take to change a diaper?

Ask Hugh Hefner.

I. Jokes More I. Jokes

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Two friends meet together and one asks: What would you do if you won the lottery? -I would build a brothel! Oh, and if it went wrong and you loose money? -I'd open it to the public

Why did you leave your last job?

I had a typo in a tweet. "Mistakes happen!" -I worked for Yahoo Finance. "Thanks for coming in. Bye"

Problem Jokes More Problem Jokes

How Am I Driving' sign* *Panics* Hello?

There's a problem. Your driver doesn't understand how he's driving

How many gangsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Twelve, you got a problem with that