Fart Jokes

What should you do when people talk behind your back?

Fart

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What happened to the guy who farted in church?

He sat in his own pew.

Why fart and waste it?

When you can burp and taste it.

What do you call a person who teaches you how to fart?

A tutor.

What time is it in Ireland when someone farts too much?

Two-forty (use an Irish accent)... It's two-farty

What did water say when ice farted?

Ice melt it.

What did the poop said to the other poop?

Poop: Please don't push. It's already tight in here! Poop to Pee: May I go first? Meanwhile, Fart pushing everyone to the sides.. Fart: Excuse me! Excuse me! I need to go!

What do you call a fart in the middle of the night? What do you call a fart in the mourning?

A midnight snack A hot Breakfast

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?

A Private Tutor.

How's a fart and a teenager alike?

Because once you go to sleep, you can't trust either of them to not sneak out.

Why the rabbits love Selena Gomez?

Im farting carrots, im farting carrots...

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What is a burp?

A fart taking the elevator.

Why should've Christians chosen farts over bread?

It's more fun to break wind

What cuts four farts in the morning, two farts at midday, and three farts in the evening?

A sphinxter.

How are farts and Ancient Egypt similar?

They both have a Tutankhamun.

What do you call a fart from an Egyptian stranger?

Toot uncommon

What do you call a person who helps teach others to fart?

A tooter. (thanks, honey)

What's the sharpest thing in the word?

A fart. It goes right through your pants and doesn't leave a hole.

What's the sharpest thing in the world?

A fart. It goes through your pants without even making a hole.

What do you call someone who never farts in public?

A PRIVATE TUTOR

What do you call a computer that farts?

A compooter. 8D

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Why didn't anyone react when the king farted?

Because it was a noble gas

What is it called when a prairie dog sees its shadow?

Total Eclipse of a Fart

What do you call a person who farts in private?

A private tutor

Who teaches you how to fart?

A tutor

Why can't you fart in an apple car?

It doesn't have windows.

Why did the dragon go to jail for farting?

Arse-on. **Cough Cough** I'll see my way out.

Why do people buy fruit already cut up?

There's only like 7 things in life easier than cutting up fruit and one of them is farting.

Why wouldn't the teacher fart in public?

Because she was a private tutor

Why is the dog man's best friend?

He has to have someone to blame the farts on.

What is the sharpest thing in the world?

A fart. It will cut through your pants and not even leave a hole.

Who farted?

Best game of Highway Jeopardy ever.

What's the definition of a surprise?

A fart with a lump in it

Who ordered the farts?

Then, fart.

What do you get when you fart on your wallet?

Gas money

How does Justin Beiber remove a condom?

He farts.

What do you call it when a king rips a fart?

Air to the throne.

What did one Egyptian say to the other Egyptian after they both farted?

Hey we have a toot in common.

What Happens when you fart in church?

You sit in your own pew

What do you call a person who teaches you the art of farting?

A tooter

Why did the skeleton burp in the church?

He didn't have the guts to fart

How does a blacksmith know you farted?

He smelt it

What do you call a guy who does not fart in public?

A private tutor.

What does the US military and a fart have in common?

Air Force

What do farts and children have in common?

You love your own, but hate everyone else's.

Which Russian leader is always farting?

Putin

What was the question?

Son: "Who's farted"

What did the farting pharaoh say to the farting slave?

We only have a Toot in common.

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Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

What sounds do nuts make when they sneeze?

Cashew

What sound does a pubic hair make right before it hits the floor?

Ptui

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What did the guy without hands get for Christmas?

We don't know, he hasn't opened the present yet

Why did the coach prohibit the blonde from giving any bj's to the team?

The guys complained about the blow-dryer being too hot...

Marry Jokes More Marry Jokes

What did Jay-Z call Knowles before getting married?

His biance

Why did the Polish person marry someone from the other side of the country?

Because opposite poles attract

Middle Jokes More Middle Jokes

How much is half of 8?

Pupil: Up and down or across Teacher: What do you mean Pupil: Well up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!

What do you call a dog in the middle of a muddy road?

A mutt in a rut!

Church Jokes More Church Jokes

What's the difference between a woman in the bath and a woman at church?

Well... the woman at church has hope in her soul.

What happened to the guy who farted in church?

He sat in his own pew.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What's the difference between politics and professional wrestling?

In professional wrestling they know what they are doing.

Which actress would you like to get stuck in an elevator with?

Me: One who knows how to fix elevators.

Excuse Jokes More Excuse Jokes

How long is a China-man?

Excuse the question mark, "How Long" is in fact a China man.

How do you hit those high notes?

Adam Levine: I sold my soul to the devil. Interviewer: Excuse me Adam Levine: Practice.

Push Jokes More Push Jokes

What did the proctologist ask the restaurant goer?

Can I push your stool in?

What do you get when you push a cow out of a plane?

Ground beef