Fart Jokes

What should you do when people talk behind your back?

Fart

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What happened to the guy who farted in church?

He sat in his own pew.

Why fart and waste it?

When you can burp and taste it.

What do you call a person who teaches you how to fart?

A tutor.

What time is it in Ireland when someone farts too much?

Two-forty (use an Irish accent)... It's two-farty

What did water say when ice farted?

Ice melt it.

What did the poop said to the other poop?

Poop: Please don't push. It's already tight in here! Poop to Pee: May I go first? Meanwhile, Fart pushing everyone to the sides.. Fart: Excuse me! Excuse me! I need to go!

What do you call a fart in the middle of the night? What do you call a fart in the mourning?

A midnight snack A hot Breakfast

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?

A Private Tutor.

How's a fart and a teenager alike?

Because once you go to sleep, you can't trust either of them to not sneak out.

Why the rabbits love Selena Gomez?

Im farting carrots, im farting carrots...

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What is a burp?

A fart taking the elevator.

Why should've Christians chosen farts over bread?

It's more fun to break wind

What cuts four farts in the morning, two farts at midday, and three farts in the evening?

A sphinxter.

How are farts and Ancient Egypt similar?

They both have a Tutankhamun.

What do you call a fart from an Egyptian stranger?

Toot uncommon

What do you call a person who helps teach others to fart?

A tooter. (thanks, honey)

What's the sharpest thing in the word?

A fart. It goes right through your pants and doesn't leave a hole.

What's the sharpest thing in the world?

A fart. It goes through your pants without even making a hole.

What do you call someone who never farts in public?

A PRIVATE TUTOR

What do you call a computer that farts?

A compooter. 8D

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Why didn't anyone react when the king farted?

Because it was a noble gas

What is it called when a prairie dog sees its shadow?

Total Eclipse of a Fart

What do you call a person who farts in private?

A private tutor

Who teaches you how to fart?

A tutor

Why can't you fart in an apple car?

It doesn't have windows.

Why did the dragon go to jail for farting?

Arse-on. **Cough Cough** I'll see my way out.

Why do people buy fruit already cut up?

There's only like 7 things in life easier than cutting up fruit and one of them is farting.

Why wouldn't the teacher fart in public?

Because she was a private tutor

Why is the dog man's best friend?

He has to have someone to blame the farts on.

What is the sharpest thing in the world?

A fart. It will cut through your pants and not even leave a hole.

Who farted?

Best game of Highway Jeopardy ever.

What's the definition of a surprise?

A fart with a lump in it

Who ordered the farts?

Then, fart.

What do you get when you fart on your wallet?

Gas money

How does Justin Beiber remove a condom?

He farts.

What do you call it when a king rips a fart?

Air to the throne.

What did one Egyptian say to the other Egyptian after they both farted?

Hey we have a toot in common.

What Happens when you fart in church?

You sit in your own pew

What do you call a person who teaches you the art of farting?

A tooter

Why did the skeleton burp in the church?

He didn't have the guts to fart

How does a blacksmith know you farted?

He smelt it

What do you call a guy who does not fart in public?

A private tutor.

What does the US military and a fart have in common?

Air Force

What do farts and children have in common?

You love your own, but hate everyone else's.

Which Russian leader is always farting?

Putin

What was the question?

Son: "Who's farted"

What did the farting pharaoh say to the farting slave?

We only have a Toot in common.

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Church Jokes More Church Jokes

What's the difference between a church and a mosque?

In a church you see pew, pew pew. In a mosque you hear pew pew pew.

What do you call a tweaker (meth addict) who goes to church?

A Crystal Methodist.

Excuse Jokes More Excuse Jokes

How long is a China-man?

Excuse the question mark, "How Long" is in fact a China man.

How do you hit those high notes?

Adam Levine: I sold my soul to the devil. Interviewer: Excuse me Adam Levine: Practice.

Middle Night Jokes More Middle Night Jokes

What do you call a fart in the middle of the night? What do you call a fart in the mourning?

A midnight snack A hot Breakfast

What's worse than stepping on a Lego in the middle of the night?

A landmine.

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

Why did the guy take his (computer) tablet to the cemetery?

Because it was dead.

What did the guy on LSD say while driving on the highway?

Woah, the traffic is moving.

Sit Jokes More Sit Jokes

What do you do if a girl sits on your hand?

Try to get her off!

Why did raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box?

She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face screaming "LIE TO ME"!

Order Jokes More Order Jokes

When she read the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?

I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."

What do you call insects of the order Mantodea during mating season?

Laying mantises.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What's black and white... What's black and white and loves kids?

Michael Jackson

What was the favorite food of the thrifty Italian who loved contractions?

A pasta free.

Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

Why did a kid get arrested for taking a home made clock into school?

Sounds like he had already done the... time

How can you call someone and sound fabulous?

Use a homophone.