What does a blonde say when you asked her what the last two words of the national anthem are?

Play ball.

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What did the pirate say when asked how old he was?

Aye Matey!

Why did the college student ask for a refund on his student loan?

Because his *degree* didn't work!

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What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?

"Nobody's perfect!"

What's the difference between a pun and a copy of Cliff's Notes?

A pun is a play on words, while Cliff's notes are a word on plays

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How do you get a Criminal to stop running?

Play the national anthem

How did the dyslexic American mathematician sing the first line of his national anthem?

Oh secant, you say