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What gets longer the more you cut it at both ends?

A ditch.

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End Jokes More End Jokes

How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.

How do you end a relationship fight?

You break it up.

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.022141291023 pieces?

Guacomole.

Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket?

Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

Ditch Jokes More Ditch Jokes

What do you call a fake psychic who was found out and now shoots up in ditches?

A high medium low

What's green and lays in a ditch while covered in cookie crumbs?

The Girl Scout that got hit by a car.