What is a carpenters dream girl?

Flat as a board, skinny as a nail and easy to screw.

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Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many consultants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I'm not sure but I'll have an answer for you next Monday.

How do you keep a ghoul from biting his nails?

Replace the nails with screws.

Nail Jokes More Nail Jokes

What did Jesus say after he was resurrected?

Nailed it

What's the difference between Jesus and his portrait?

His portrait only need one nail

Board Jokes More Board Jokes

Why doesn't Jesus play hockey anymore?

He kept on getting nailed into the boards.

Why can't Jesus play hockey?

He keeps getting NAILED TO THE BOARDS!...