What is a carpenters dream girl?

Flat as a board, skinny as a nail and easy to screw.

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How many Toronto Maple Leaf fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Nobody knows. They always say they'll do it next year.

What has 75 balls and screws old ladies?

Bingo!

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Why is Jesus bad at hockey?

He always gets nailed to the boards.

What do you say when a Polish magician performs a magic trick?

Nailed it

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What's the difference between North Korea amd South Korea?

North Koreans have no Seoul. Thought of this very early in the morning waiting to board a plane.

Why dosn't Jesus Christ play hockey?

Because he'd always get nailed into the boards