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What is simultaneously the best and sh*ttiest way to start your day?

Pooping

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Start Jokes More Start Jokes

Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his cup of free-trade coffee?

Because he started drinking it before it was cool.

What do you call an alligator trying to start trouble?

An instagator!

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

How was your first day of school?

5-year-old: Long. Me: I'm sure tomorrow will be better. 5-year-old: Wait, I have to go back

Why do fanfic writers like Amazon Prime?

They get free two-day shipping.

Poope Jokes More Poope Jokes

How do you get out of the stomach of an elephant?

Run around until you get pooped out

What did the otter say to the guy whose ankle he pooped on?

Spraint your ankle!" Just in case: