What is the best way to get to Paradise?

A. Turn right and go straight.

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How do you know when you're turning 40?

When your candy jar is filled with Tums..... My wife just came up with that one... Birthday is next week.. Ugh

How do you turn a duck into a popular soul singer?

Stick it in microwave and turn it on until it's Bill Withers.

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Where does every craps player want to go when they die?

Paradise.

What is the best way to get to Paradise?

A. Turn right and go straight.

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What's the best way to get your guitar player to turn down the volume?

Give him the sheet music.

What is the best way to find out if someone is ticklish?

Use your test tickles