Math problems actually exist
Because they can't compete with an invisible power that actually exists
You take it to the Moo-seum. I know this joke is terrible, but I totally came up with it on my own, but I'm sure it exists already.
All the inequalities
One of them ruins your life. The other's just meth.
They'll both off themselves eventually.
They're all, like, equal to me...
A *cow*culater. I made it up myself, so don't groan at the pun.
I woun't pay a 100 bucks for a Gorbanzo bean on my face.