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Exist Jokes

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because chickens didn't exist yet.

Birthday State of Mind

Birthday State of Mind

What do Greek teenagers say?

Omega!! Note: surely it already exists but I thought of it independently and am proud of my terrible joke!

What do Jesus and germs have in common?

Nobody has ever seen them directly, but everyone says they exist.

What kind of knots only exist in space?

Astro-knots.

What programming languages would we use if C didn't exist?

Ans: PASAL, OBOL and BASI

How can you tell, with 100% certainty, that no intelligent alien life exists that we know of?

Because if it did, we'd have sent foreign aid by now.

Why does windows 9 not exist?

Because 7 8 9.

What did the pirate say when he turned 81?

Nothing, as he didn't exist. The probability of anyone in that demographic reaching their eighties is particularly low, and an active pirate being eighty one years of age is further rendered a statistical impossibility given that a pirate would need to be above a certain threshold in terms of physical ability.

Why doesn't God like fruitcake?

Because he doesn't exist.

How many ghosts does it take to change one lightbulb?

Zero. They don't exist.

What does Pluto have up on Palestine?

At least Pluto exists

$Your Age Is Only Math$

Your Age Is Only Math

Why is USA so gloomy?

Because only two parties exist for the whole country

What do you call a color that doesn't exist?

A pigment of your imagination.

What belongs in the bank and doesn't exist?

My tax refund.

What do you call inventory that doesn't exist?

Finnish Goods

How do you make cultured milk?

You take it to the Moo-seum. I know this joke is terrible, but I totally came up with it on my own, but I'm sure it exists already.

How do pirates know that they exist?

They think, therefore they arrrr

What's the difference between UFOs and an honest politician?

It is possible that UFOs exist.

How do pirates know they exist?

They think, therefore they ARRRRRRRR!

How do you tell a hypocrite from a normal person?

The hypocrite's the one that exists.

Why did the Dark Ages existed?

Because there were 'nights.

Love

Love

How many "Mean Girls" jokes is too many?

The limit does not exist

Why can you never get caught with a 0 in math?

Because cot(0) doesn't exist... This joke... it burns my eyes...

What if a man existed w/one hand that's a steak and the other is lobster plus unlimited salad bar?

This is the plot of Edward Sizzlerhands

What is the difference between someone who worships God &amp someone who worships the sun?

The sun exists.

Why couldn't Jesus waterski?

Because he never existed.

How can we know atheism exists?

Where's the evidence

What's the diffrence between Math and Emos?

Math problems actually exist

What did Ghost A say to Ghost B?

Nothing because ghosts don't exist. Edit:Holy crap I just realized I didn't post this on /r/antijokes.

Why French Fighter jet are name phantom?

Because they don't exist.

What would a diatomic Calcium molecule look like if existed?

Like Crap or Feces (its the same) WHY Because its Ca=Ca (equal sign is a double bond)

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What's the difference between Bernie Sanders and a free lunch?

Bernie Sanders exists.

How do you know that Keira Knightley doesn't exist?

Because the camera adds 10 pounds.

Who picks it up?

Santa. The other two don't exist.

Who says time travel doesn't exist and we can't go back in time?

America just did.

How many blonde jokes exist?

One. This one. The rest are all true.

Why do churches ban Wi-Fi?

Because they can't compete with an invisible power that actually exists

How do you broach the sensitive religious topic about the possibility a human soul might not actually exist?

Gingerly.

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Terrible Joke Jokes More Terrible Joke Jokes

What's the alien version of Facebook?

Spacebook. (It's a terrible joke I know).

What do Greek teenagers say?

Omega!! Note: surely it already exists but I thought of it independently and am proud of my terrible joke!

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why can't you use sarcasm with a kleptomaniac?

Because they take things literally.

Why was the Instagram star so bad at making coffee?

Because she used #nofilter

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What's the difference between a vegan, a crossfit instructor, and a psychological test subject?

The test subject is the only one you'd willingly ask to "tell us about yourself."

What did the mama pig say when junior pig bought a basket of wormy apples?

Don't tell the farmer. He might charge us extra.

Knot Jokes More Knot Jokes

Why do dogs make good sailors?

They know their knots.

What do you call an Aztec Mayan snake god tied in a knot?

Pretzalcoatl

Astro Jokes More Astro Jokes

How many Astros fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Both of them.

What kind of knots only exist in space?

Astro-knots.

Send Jokes More Send Jokes

Why was Jesus not born in West Virginia?

Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin. Gf sent me this when she was driving through the state.

How does a farmer send messages?

By e-i-e-i-o-mail.

Germ Jokes More Germ Jokes

What do Jesus and germs have in common?

Nobody has ever seen them directly, but everyone says they exist.

Why did the germ cross the microscope?

To get to the other slide!

Space Jokes More Space Jokes

Why did the left alt key and the right alt key break up?

They needed some space.

Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?

He wanted to find Pluto!