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What size box of condoms do you never want to buy?

The family size.

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What's the difference between a married man and a bachelor?

A bachelor will go to the fridge, sees nothing he wants, and go to bed A married man will go the bed, sees nothing he wants, and go the fridge!

What did the band Weezer say about the nudist beach?

All the mammaries made me want to go back there!

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Why does she keep cleaning the floors?

Me: Her stepsisters make her. 5: She should just buy a Roomba.

Why did the mobster buy a planner?

So he could organize his crime

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What type of condoms does Ronald McDonald use?

McRibbed

What is a surgeon's excuse for not wearing a condom?

Don't worry baby, I'm sterile.