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When people say 'oh, you're still single?

I like to reply with 'wow, you're still married ' I'm popular.

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Why do so many people listen to Taylor Swift songs after a breakup?

Because they were tailor made for it.

Where did people find out that Pluto was no longer a planet?

The orbituaries.

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What do chemists say when they smell something that they don't like?

Pu

What do you call a duck that likes to steal?

A Robber Ducky!

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How many women have you slept with My wife asked me, "How many women have you slept with?

I proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."

What's the best way to ward off ghosts?

To which I replied: "a camera."