Where do tech guys with diarrhea go to work?

IBM

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What kind of physician works on a cruise liner?

A dry doc.

Why did the otter want to work at NASA?

So he could go to Otter Space.

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What's the difference between driving a car on an empty tank of gas and having diarrhea?

One you're running on fumes, the other you're fuming with the runs.

Where does a toilet keep his secrets?

In his diarrhea.

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How many IBM CPUs does it take to perform a logical right shift?

32. One to hold the bits and 31 to push the register.

What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM?

It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.