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Where does an octopus go to buy shoes?

Inke

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Why don't you buy drugs from an Emo?

Their stuff is always cut.

Why's the little boy scarred for life after going to buy his mom some earrings?

He went to Jared.

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What kind of shoes does Jack Lew wear?

Cashews.

How did the alien tie his shoes?

With an astroknot.

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What do you get when you mix a Mexican with an octopus?

I dont know, but it sure as hell can pick apples.

What is an octopus?

An eight-sided cat.