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Why didn't the rock make it to work today?

He was stoned

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Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why did the gamer start working out?

He wanted to finally get respecced.

What's the difference between GTA V Online and a non-essential government employee?

Nothing neither one has been working since Tuesday...

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

Why are you not laughing?

Cos I'm quitting today.

Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?

Me: It'll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait Boss: Today!

Rock Jokes More Rock Jokes

Why doesn't Dwayne Johnson's downstairs neighbor understand references to current events?

He's been living under The Rock.

Why does the Earth love geologists?

They really get it's rocks off

Stone Jokes More Stone Jokes

What did the Queen fans say at the stoning?

We will We will Rock you!

What did one mountain say to the other mountain?

Nothing. They were both stoned.