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Why didn't the rock make it to work today?

He was stoned

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Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What do you call a stoner working at a repair shop?

High maintenance

How about the early worm?

How'd that work out for him

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

How many sad soccer fans are there today?

A Brazillion...

What date is it today?

2nd April. Ha!! April fool!

Rock Jokes More Rock Jokes

Why doesn't Dwayne Johnson's downstairs neighbor understand references to current events?

He's been living under The Rock.

What do you call a singer gently swaying from one side to another?

A rocking Cher.

Stone Jokes More Stone Jokes

Why did Medusa order pizza?

Her boyfriend was stoned.

What do you call a man of high authority, stoned out of his mind strolling along in the forest?

Hiking