April Sale - 20% Off

Stone Jokes

Why were the Ten Commandments so powerful?

Because they were set in stone.

I Love Pizza & You

I Love Pizza & You

What happens when a rock gets high?

He gets stoned.. Badum tsss

What would Game of Thrones be called if it was about ice cream?

Game of Cones If it was about sword sharpening: Game of Hones If it was just everyone playing Go: Game of Stones If everyone was single: Game of Alones If it was about balls: Game of Throwns If it was about spooky scary skeletons: Game of Bones If everyone used UAVs to fight: Game of Drones If everyone was a banker: Game of Loans If it was about breakfast foods: Game of Scones

What's the best music to listen to while stoned?

Rock.

Why has Stonehenge been there since 2000 BC?

Because it's stoned.

What do women and stones have in common?

You skip the flat ones.

What did the stone say to the hill?

Let's Rock and Roll.

What does The Rock said to his Girl Friend?

Im Stoned

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepard?

The Stones say "hey you get off of my cloud!" The Shepard says "hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"

Why didn't the rock make it to work today?

He was stoned

What do you call someone who gets stoned and baked?

A witch.

We've Got This Love Thing Down

We've Got This Love Thing Down

What did the Queen fans say at the stoning?

We will We will Rock you!

Why do people call their weed the Koran?

Because if your burn it, it gets you stoned

What do you call a stoned pig?

Baked Ham

What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?

A hybrid

What do you call a country of grizzlies that is always stoned?

A hibearnation.

What did Medusa call the sheep she turned to stone?

Baaaaasalt

What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green.

How would you tell if the Queen was stoned?

Her Highness will tell you

Why do marble statues look so mean?

They have hearts of stone.

Why does a Belgian take a stone and a flashlight to bed?

The stone to throw the lights out, the flashlight to check if the lights are really out

$Your Age Is Only Math$

Your Age Is Only Math

How Do You Get Stoned in Ancient Rome?

Start shouting Jehovah.

What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver runs the stop sign. The stoned driver waits for it to turn green.

What's the difference between smoking weed and burning the koran?

If you burn the koran, you can only get stoned once.

What happens when you smoke weed in Saudi Arabia?

You get stoned.

What did the Time Traveller find when he brought a joint to Ancient Greece?

The Philosophers Stoned

What happens when you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia?

You get stoned.

What do you call it when a bunch of stoned poets overthrow the government?

A Haiku.

How easy is it to get stoned in Amsterdam?

It's a piece of cake.

What's the difference between a hippie and a geologist?

Not much. One likes getting stones, the other likes getting stoned.

What do you call a man of high authority, stoned out of his mind strolling along in the forest?

Hiking

Love

Love

What does weed and the Quran have in common?

If you burn it you get stoned

What word allows you to take away two letters and get one?

Stone.

Why did Medusa order pizza?

Her boyfriend was stoned.

Why should you not throw stones at a knight?

Because heavy metal is harder than rock.

How much does a rock weigh?

One stone.

Who's there A gorgon. A gorgon who?

420 gaze it. Geddit. Because then you'd be stoned Okay, sorry I'll leave.

What would happen if The Styx and The Stones got a band together?

It wood rock.

What did one mountain say to the other mountain?

Nothing. They were both stoned.

What did the stoned alpaca say to the other stoned alpaca?

Alpaca 'nother bong

How is medusa like weed?

She makes people stoned.

You might also enjoy:

Throw Jokes More Throw Jokes

What did Dr. Evil say when he fell in the rancor pit?

Throw me a frickin bone here.

What do you do when you see an epileptic throwing a fit in a bath tub?

You throw in some laundry and detergent.

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

What is the quickest way to double your money?

Fold it in half!

What kind of money do religious businesses make?

Prophet.

Check Jokes More Check Jokes

How do you tell a boy chromosome from a girl chromosome?

Check their jeans.

Why were the racist oranges upset when they checked out the small phonebook of their new city?

Because it was mini apple list.

Light Jokes More Light Jokes

What are red heads good for?

Lighting fires.

What is 32% black, 45% white......gets lit up and changes to blue and red at night?

Chicago.

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

Why doesn't Kirk like to have one-night stands?

Because the girls always cling on him afterwards.

What does Fabrizio like to put on his sandwiches?

Mustardo!

Scotsman Jokes More Scotsman Jokes

How can you tell the clan of a Scotsman?

Look under his kilt, if it's a quarter-pounder, he's a McDonald.

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey, you, get off of my cloud." A Scotsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."

Hey Jokes More Hey Jokes

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey, you, get off of my cloud." A Scotsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."

Granite Jokes More Granite Jokes

Why did the geologist get divorced?

He took his wife for granite.

Why do we never take the time to thank mislabeled concrete?

It's mistaken for granite.