Stone Jokes

Why were the Ten Commandments so powerful?

Because they were set in stone.

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Why has Stonehenge been there since 2000 BC?

Because it's stoned.

What did the stone say to the hill?

Let's Rock and Roll.

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepard?

The Stones say "hey you get off of my cloud!" The Shepard says "hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"

What do you call someone who gets stoned and baked?

A witch.

What do you call a stoned pig?

Baked Ham

What did Medusa call the sheep she turned to stone?

Baaaaasalt

What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green.

Why do marble statues look so mean?

They have hearts of stone.

How Do You Get Stoned in Ancient Rome?

Start shouting Jehovah.

What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver runs the stop sign. The stoned driver waits for it to turn green.

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What happens when you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia?

You get stoned.

What does weed and the Quran have in common?

If you burn it you get stoned

What word allows you to take away two letters and get one?

Stone.

Why should you not throw stones at a knight?

Because heavy metal is harder than rock.

How much does a rock weigh?

One stone.

What would happen if The Styx and The Stones got a band together?

It wood rock.

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Gather Jokes More Gather Jokes

Where do Arabians with cowboy hats gather?

Howdy Arabia

What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?

A Sir conference.

Cloud Jokes More Cloud Jokes

What's the difference between a Scotsman and The Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

Scottsman Jokes More Scottsman Jokes

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottsman?

Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" A Scottsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scottsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!" And a Scottsman says "Hey McLeod, get of me ewe!"

Scottish Jokes More Scottish Jokes

Why did they bury the Scottish man on the West side of the hill?

Because he was dead

Why did Scottish baby sneeze?

It got week old.

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

What's the difference between a drummer and publicly traded stock?

Publicly traded stock will mature and make money.

What's the difference between Politicians and Thieves?

Thief: They steal your money then run Politician: They run and then steal your money

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake?

Stop crying and viper your nose.

Moss Jokes More Moss Jokes

Why didn't Mick Jagger pick Randy Moss up from the airport?

Because a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.

How do rocks feel about moss?

It's growing on them.

Shout Jokes More Shout Jokes

How do you find a British person in a crowd?

1. Shout 0800 00 2. Wait for them to shout 1066.

Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting "Pieces of four"?

Short John Silver!