Stone Jokes

Why were the Ten Commandments so powerful?

Because they were set in stone.

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Why has Stonehenge been there since 2000 BC?

Because it's stoned.

What did the stone say to the hill?

Let's Rock and Roll.

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepard?

The Stones say "hey you get off of my cloud!" The Shepard says "hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"

What do you call someone who gets stoned and baked?

A witch.

What do you call a stoned pig?

Baked Ham

What did Medusa call the sheep she turned to stone?

Baaaaasalt

What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green.

Why do marble statues look so mean?

They have hearts of stone.

How Do You Get Stoned in Ancient Rome?

Start shouting Jehovah.

What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver runs the stop sign. The stoned driver waits for it to turn green.

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What happens when you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia?

You get stoned.

What does weed and the Quran have in common?

If you burn it you get stoned

What word allows you to take away two letters and get one?

Stone.

Why should you not throw stones at a knight?

Because heavy metal is harder than rock.

How much does a rock weigh?

One stone.

What would happen if The Styx and The Stones got a band together?

It wood rock.

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train the other trains the mind.

What's the difference between a Dove and a Turkey?

One has a coo, the other has a coup

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Which American president was not guilty?

Lincoln, he was in a cent

What's the difference between a yogurt and the Americans?

If you leave a yogurt for 200 years it'll grow a culture.

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Ewe Jokes More Ewe Jokes

How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?

A Merry Christmas to ewe

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says "Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud..." the Scottish farmer says "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe"

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What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottsman?

Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" A Scottsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

Stone Driver Jokes More Stone Driver Jokes

What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver runs the stop sign. The stoned driver waits for it to turn green.

What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green.

Flashlight Jokes More Flashlight Jokes

What do you call a deer with flashlights for eyes?

A bright eye deer.

How do you get a Texas Tech senior's eyes to sparkle?

Shine a flashlight in his ears.

Mc Leod Jokes More Mc Leod Jokes

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scot?

One says "hey, you, get off of my cloud", and the other says "hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe".

Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!